did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
