I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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