Ambien. No doubt about it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
