True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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