Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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