Got a toothbrush?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
