When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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