You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
