I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
