someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize