He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
