What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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