they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
