Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
