He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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