Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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