I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
