I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
