I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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