Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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