she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
