It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
