sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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