sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
