the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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