hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
