im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
