none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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