I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
