How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
