Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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