just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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