I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
