allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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