apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
