You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
