Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
