I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
