Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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