what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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