so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
