I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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