You really coming over, don't trick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
