I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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