i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
