I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
50% drunk capacity currently
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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