We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
