the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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