I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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