I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
