she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
