12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
