bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
