I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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