captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
