Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
