what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
