And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
