i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
