He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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