it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
