Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Verdict: uncircumcised.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
