party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
