the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
