Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
