You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
