Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
